Shqueee.

thehobodad:

For as much as they tell you about Stop Drop and Roll as a kid, I really expected to be on fire more times in my life.

troyesivan:

catswithbenefits:

ever wondered what the exact spot you’re sitting in looked like 10,000 years ago

not until nOW AND IM TRIPPIN BALLS

gay-bacon-strips:

suklaaaa:

bunnyinafez:

iwantfitbody:

madamedepompador:

winchesterwolves:

moniker-padacklyte:

zillystring:

wasereborworthit:

mellowminty:

pizzaforpresident:

petition to rename the usa ‘south canada’

what about alaska

are we then normal canada

canada a bit to the left

What about South America? Is that just America? Or South South Canada?

i cried my ass of laughing

WARM CANADA

i caN’T BREATHE OH MY GOD

canada that totally is a planet shut the fuck up

troyesivan:

antisociallysplendid:

someone-not-me:

dent-arthur-dent:

drarna:

i love how the two most cited love stories of all time are romeo & juliet and titanic and they both involve teenagers who knew each other for less than a week

and Leonardo DiCaprio played the male lead in both them.

Without winning an oscar for either

somehow we always end up here

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly, as you brushed away a tear.
“It’s me, I haven’t left you, I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here”

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.
I want to take your parcels, I wished I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you that I’m not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house as you fumbled for the key,
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said “It’s me”.

You looked so very tired and then you sank into a chair,
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.

It’s possible for me to be so near you everyday,
To say to you with certainty “I never went away”.

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew,
That in the stillness of that evening I was very close to you.

The day is over…. I smile and watch you yawning and say,
“Good Night, Sweet Dreams, God Bless, I’ll see you in the morning”.

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I’ll rush to greet you and we’ll stand together side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there’s much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out; then come home and be with me.

sub-maureen:

no, but how high do you have to be to write a movie about a toaster and a vacuum cleaner going on an adventure to Mars riding a ceiling fan

not-photogenic:

today in drama class i had to act like i was high and i literally just quoted popular text posts and i got congratulated on my performance 

utmostidiocy:

A baby’s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it’s 3am. And you’re home alone. And you don’t have a baby.

laugh-addict:

When girls go through puberty:

When boys go through puberty:

awkwardvagina:

so me and my dad are watching a documentary about a man that killed his children and the presenter turned to the camera and said ‘how could anyone ever think about killing their child’ and my dad sat there looking straight at the tv and said ‘trust me its not difficult’ he then looked at me and sighed

circumcisions:

ok kids. im leaving you an essay. twenty pages. single spaced. 12 point times new roman font. one question: “where did you come from, where did you go, where did you come from cotton eyed joe” good luck this is due tomorrow

wellmakeawish:

amythegeek:

amsterdamnedd:

basedgosh:

if my kids end up being better looking than me theyre grounded

guys the disney fandom just took over a text post

resh1ram:

damnafrica-wuthappened:

ginger ale kitkats

green tea kitkats

potato kitkats

  

vegetable kitkats!!!

corn kitkats

soy sauce kitkats?!!?!

sweet potato kitkats

watermelon kitkats

are you telling me i could have a varied meal that consists entirely of kitkats

pityreblogs:

i’m convinced if i kill enough bugs word will get around the bug community and they will all leave me alone

stefan-d:

smilingemoticon:

blackromney:

full movies on youtube

“Click The Link In The Description To Watch This Movie For Free!!”

This is so accurate it hurts.